True Worth
by FuzzBear97
Summary: He felt just a little bit pleased. Remus knew that Lily always was genuine about what she said. ONLY PURE FRIENDSHIP NOTHING ELSE! R & R! i don't own it. you should know.


Night had fallen over Hogwarts. The moon shone brightly in the night sky. The Gryffindor common room was quiet: most students had already gone to bed, cursing the amount of homework they had.  
Lupin sat by the fireplace, eyes on the dying flames. He looked paler than usual; the dark circles under his eyes made him look like he hadn't slept for days. Lupin felt ill, and it wasn't just the after-effects of transforming. A hot pit of guilt bubbled in his stomach. He felt as if he was going to be sick. What had he been thinking? How could he have let his friends come with him? He had promised Dumbledore that he would not endanger any of the students, yet like a fool, he had not stopped James, Sirius and Peter. Why couldn't they understand how dangerous it was? His mind went back to breakfast that morning. They were recounting the night's happenings to each other as if it was some sort of adventure. He had been horror struck. He bit Sirius! Of course, his friends were not bothered, because as Sirius said, "Lighten up, Moony! Jeez, it's just a scratch, man. I'm fine! Stop worrying for a change, will you?" Was it so hard for them to see the risk? Sure, Sirius had transformed at the time, but what if things were different? What if Lupin had attacked him when he was in human form? He would never be able to forgive himself if anything happened to his friends. It just was not safe for them to be near him. Rage and shame burned inside him. He whispered, "I am a monster." A single tear slid down his cheek.  
"Remus?" Startled, he jumped to his feet. It was Lily Evans, his co-prefect. She was carrying a heavy load of books; evidently she had been studying in the library. Averting his eyes, Lupin sank back down onto the couch. "Hey, Lily", he replied heavily. He was not in a mood for conversation. Lily sat down next to him, putting her books down on the table. "Do you mind? I wanted to talk to you about something", she said. She sounded nervous. Lupin gave a non-committal shrug, eyes still on the glowing embers. She probably wants me to tell James to stop showing off in front of her all the time, he thought. Lupin grinned to himself. James' love for Lily was known all over the school; he had been trying to get her to go out with him since their fourth year.  
Lily's voice snapped him back to attention. "You seem really down lately", she said. He grunted in response. Not deterred by his seeming lack of interest, Lily pressed on. "And it's not just that. You look ill, Remus, and I wanted to ask if everything, well, if-if everything's, you know... okay." The kindness and concern in her voice just made Lupin feel worse. He leaned forwards, pressing his palms to his eyes. "It's nothing, Lily." he said wearily. "I'm just a bit tired, you know- exam pressure." "Rubbish", Lily replied sharply. "You are one of the smartest people in our year, and you've never been late on an assignment." Stunned, Lupin could not bring himself to reply to Lily's words. He looked away. An uneasy silence settled over them. Lily fidgeted her seat, her fingers twitching in her lap. After a few moments, she seemed to have made up her mind about something. She began to speak again. "It's a lovely night, isn't it?" Gaining confidence, she continued. "I've always loved night time, it's so beautiful. The sky, the stars... the moon", she added softly. "It was a full moon last night." Lupin stared at her, thunderstruck. "You weren't inside yesterday, were you?" asked Lily, giving him a meaningful look. She knows, thought Lupin, horrified. He got up to leave. He was shaking; shock and fear etched on his face. Before he could make his exit, though, Lily reached him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Remus, what-" He pulled away from her. "You know what I am, Lily," he whispered. "It's not safe to be near me. I shouldn't even be at Hogwarts; it's too much of a risk. I don't reserve to be here. I'm a freak." He spat out the last words.  
Lily looked stricken. "No, Remus, I didn't mean that! There's nothing wrong with you, nothing at all! It's alright if you're a werewolf!" He gave a mirthless laugh. "It's all very well when you say that, Lily, but just think. How many others actually think like that? All the other kids, the ones from wizarding families, they've grown up being taught to hate and fear werewolves. They would think I'm some sort of animal. It's all right here in Hogwarts, 'cause people don't really know. But out in the real world, they won't accept me. I'll be treated like an outcast." Lupin collapsed onto the couch, shivering. Lily sat next to him, taking his hand in hers. "Alright then, maybe as a Muggle-born I don't understand all the negative feeling towards werewolves. But what about your friends, Remus? What about Sirius, and James? They're from wizarding families. I don't see them treating you like an outcast." "Yes, I know, but they're not much help either." And Lupin found himself telling Lily everything: how he felt guilty for breaking his promise to Dumbledore, how he felt terrified that he might unknowingly harm his friends, the fear that the news that he was a werewolf would spread throughout the school and people would shun him. It felt as though a great weight was being lifted from his shoulders. He felt so much better after confiding in someone, so grateful to Lily for listening to him. When he was done, he realised that his cheeks were damp. He hastily rubbed at his face with his hands. Lily sat looking at him, he faint light of the fire playing on her thick red hair. She suddenly gave Lupin a tight hug.  
"Now, you listen to me, Remus," she said, releasing him. "Don't worry about it too much. If people cannot see you for the person you are, if they're just going to hate you for something you have no control over, they're idiots." Lupin chuckled, a grin unfurling on his face. "You just ignore people who say you're not as good as them, do you hear? Because you are a great person. And you'll probably do greater things than their narrow-minded brains could dream of."  
Lily and Remus talked to each other the whole night. They confided their secrets in each other. She told him that she actually did have a small crush on James, but it really irritated her that he behaved, in her words "like an arrogant berk who thinks he's boss just because he's better at Quidditch than most people." He, meanwhile, amused her with stories of his friends' escapades, trying to show her indirectly that James was not all that bad. Over the year, the two formed a close friendship. Each was a pillar of support for the other, and Lupin never forgot that Lily was the one who had shown him his true worth.


End file.
